Hello, lovely Lilies!
I’ve been away from the blog for a while, but not without good reason. As we all experienced, 2020 was a year full of pain, change, the unforeseen, the unexpected, and hopefully, growth both individually and as a human race.
If I learned anything during the past year it was to start actually doing instead of just planning to do. By that I mean, take the dreams I’ve put on paper so many times and just start making them come true.
The first step of course was to open my Etsy shops. Now, I cannot say that by anyone else’s standards I have had a banner year. In fact I’ve barely made a dent in what I need to be earning, but, the past month has at least proven to me that I have viable, desired products and they will sell. I just need to get up off my fat arse and start marketing and working on it.
Surprising to me was the unexpected best seller I’ve had. Can you guess what it is? I’ll give you a hint – it’s NOT jewelry! Have you guessed it? Tah-dah! It’s My rainbow dab tools! I sold out so many times in fact that it is going to be at least a month now until I can get more in stock. Thanks to Covid and the issues with needing PPE, the materials that I use in my arts are in very short supply. In fact, some have been out of stock for over a month! Back in March when I first began planning my product line and was stocking up on supplies I bought several 1 pound blocks of the clays I use most – Pearl, Translucent, White, Black, and Silver. Now, I’m down to less than a half brick of the pearl and translucent and am on my last block of black and all of those are currently out of stock everywhere! When I finally made the connection in my head that the clays I use in my works are polymers, which are essentially plastics and are used in the production of many PPE items, it made sense. Still, it’s so frustrating and really scary as to know when they will be back in stock.
So, with all of that in mind, I’ll be using some different materials in some newer creations that I’ll be adding later in the month.
Christmas and actually last night as well were very uneventful. I spent most of my time alone, which gave me the opportunity to really work on my Bullet Journal, get the blog updated, work on my shop SEO but something else too, something even more important.
I have been spending time every day just letting myself get centered again. I have needed that so badly.
In the past 10 years, I’ve strayed so far from my path, chasing something that I didn’t realize isn’t mine to chase, trying to please someone whom I’ve had to admit, is not worth the loss of my self and my true spirit, to please.
I’ve spent the mornings in quiet meditation before work. I’ve been listening to really amazing music from The Hu and several other what would be considered Viking or War Music bands. Doesn’t sound too serene, does it? Maybe not in the la la la kind of way but in many ways, it has helped me rebuild my courage and my spirit.
About 9 years ago I started researching my ancestor because I needed answers. I needed to understand why it is that I’m so sensitive to the emotions and feelings and turmoils of others and why being around crowds is so draining on me. I needed to understand why my heart sings and my spirit soars at the sight of mountains and why I love the darker, grayer days of winter and the quiet after a snowfall so much when the majority of my children and my spouse would much rather be in the heat and sun and near the beach LOL. I started researching because I just needed to understand myself better.
What I found is that on my birth mother’s side of the family, we can trace our roots back as far as the late 1500’s to the first Norseman that settled in this country. He was an Huguenot fleeing persecution. I was even able to trace it back to his name and to find that upon settling in what is now upstate New York, he married the daughter of an Indian Chief who gave him land as a wedding gift. That is where I found out about my Native American roots on the matriarchal side of my family. From my maternal grandfather’s side, I found that we are descended from the first Kings of Ireland.
Most surprising though was to find that through my paternal side – which was extremely difficult to track down, we’re Viking!
As I researched all of these things I began to realize that no matter how we are raised in the modern age, there are things that will always, if we let them, resonate with our spirits. All of these things make up so much of what makes me not just happy but joyful and fulfilled and content. It also explains why I’m very much a loner and an empath, and some of the gifts I’ve been given with art, word, and my third eye. One thing it certainly explains is my “bossiness.” for lack of a better word. In many of the societies of my genealogy, the women were the leaders and the decision-makers. From my Mohawk side to my Cherokee side, women were the backbone of the tribes and clans.
Last night as I was watching a documentary about the Vikings I just had the feeling that now is the time for me to state to myself and to my spouse what my intentions for the coming year are.
It wasn’t easy. This has taken some time to build up the courage to do and I think I needed to see that my business could be sustainable before I could get enough backbone to actually say anything, but now I know and it’s almost like a sign.
This is my year of freedom. I will be out from under these things that have burdened me and hurt me so badly and wounded my soul and my spirit so deeply during 2021, no matter how hard or scary it is. I don’t want a divorce, but I don’t want to live with him anymore because I cannot tolerate lying and he refuses to stop drinking and stop lying. And for me, it is too painful to watch someone I love so deeply destroy themselves with reckless abandon.
So today I start 2021 with a new resolve – or perhaps more so – restrengthened resolve. And in honor of the warrior woman inside of me, I made myself a gift – a set of earrings I saw Lagertha in Vikings wearing. What do you think? (See the first photo). I love them!
Anyway, I’m sure everyone has to celebrate or perhaps some recovering to do today and I’ve got things I need to do as well so until next time, dear Lily, Happy 2021, and may this be a year of amazing transformation for all of us!