Good early morning, Dear Diary, 

I’ve actually been awake for about two and a half hours now, but I forced myself to stay in bed until about 30 minutes ago so… there’s that. Learning to make myself stay in bed and at least try to rest, is very hard. I’ve been an early riser, up between 3 and 4:00 AM for the past 25 years, so, trying to change that one habit is in its self a feat.  But that’s one of those lessons I’m learning on my journey to me. I need more rest now than I did in years past. 

This time of year is always so hard. It’s not a physical type of hard but instead is an emotional hard.  First of all, because I’m not around all of my kids and grandkids, I have a grandson whom, though we talk on Facebook Video chat at least once a week, I have yet to meet. Being too broke to travel for the past however many years it’s been is hard, but it’s especially hard when you cannot meet your grandchildren. 

For years, I convinced myself that Christmas was my favorite time of the year. And actually, when my kids were small, it was, even though financially, it wasn’t great.  I did the decorating and the cooking and the gifting everyone in my life something no matter how small. But for the past several years – since 2012, I just haven’t felt it or even really wanted to do anything for the holidays. And in the space we’re in now, there’s really no room to rearrange anything to have space for a tree because everything in this space is essential. 

This year though, I’m determined to make changes in everything. Well, not this year, per se because it’s almost over (thank GOD!), but in the coming year. I’m more determined than ever before to make my dreams become reality.  

I’m still so surprised every time I get a sale in my Etsy shop. I mean, I’m not surprised that my stuff is good enough to sell – I work really hard at it – but that as late as I actually got started doing proper shop maintenance and product listings, I am shocked that I made sales for the holidays. I’m also still a bit in awe of the fact that my best selling product to date is my Faux Murano Rainbow Glass dab/wax tool! I’ve sold out three times now and won’t have more in stock until after the holidays! What a great problem to have. 

I’m also sort of super stoked because I get to start using my new Bujo in just six days because I have it set up to where the last few days of December actually help compromise my first week in my bullet journal. I always feel like a kid at Christmas time when I get to start a new bullet journal. This year though, I’m going more for functionality over artistic flare. I’ve got the first month basically set up, as well as a year at a glance calendar because I’m horrible with keeping track of shopping holidays and marketing opportunities, So, this time I’ve gone through my calendar, decided what times of the year I want to have a big sale (Only three, sorry!) and then put marketing dates and specifics in my calendar. 

I feel kinda guilty over the fact that last year I invested in a Leuchtturm1917, which for those of you not familiar, is supposed to be the Cadillac of journals, and yet, halfway through I lost all momentum. I honestly like the Leuchtrrurm, but I found Artist’s Loft at Michaels that pretty much has everything the L1917 has. The only things missing are a pre-created index and the pre-numbered pages. But I don’t mind doing all of that myself as it helps me stay on track with journaling.

Another reason I don’t particularly enjoy the holidays is that immediately after is when I lost my daddy. He was killed in a pulling unit accident in the oilfield in 1999. I can’t believe it’s been nearly 22 years. It doesn’t feel like it. There are times I can still hear his chuckle running through my head or feel the way he used to sneak up behind me with a big ol’ bear hug and nuzzle his beard down into my neck. He was my first rescuing Libra. If you’ve watched any of my videos you’ll know what that means and if not, then keep reading because I’m sure I’ll talk about that again at some point. 

I also had to have the conversation I was hoping to avoid with the man. I was hoping to avoid the conversation until well after the new year when my plan was a bit more tangible, but, it ended up being an inevitable thing and, it was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be. I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’m totally resolved and settled into the fact that at some point in the near future, we won’t be living together anymore. I do get a bit sad when I think about it for a long time, but at the same time, I get a bit excited to start my life over, on my own terms, and to have peace. That is the primary thing. I just need – no, I crave and must have – peace. I can’t heal and grow without it. 

So, this week will be busy with getting listings uploaded for the big end-of-year clearance I’ll be doing in both shops. I’ve got a butt-ton of things I need to photograph so I can finally put the lightbox away! LOL. When you live in 135 square feet, a  two-foot square lightbox is a HUGE thing to have sitting around. 

In the meantime, I hope all of you, dear lilies, have a wonderful Christmas – staying safe, social distancing, practicing good hygiene and wellness.