Good morning, lovely Lilies! What a wonderful day it is!
Wow-what a week it’s been already and today is only Wednesday LOL. I’ve had so many changes taking place both personally and professionally that it’s got me feeling a bit overwhelmed and off-kilter.
First things first of course:
The man and I had a huge weekend of anger, frustration, disappointment, and fighting. I’ve not kept it a secret that my marriage is pretty much over, yet due to financial circumstances, the pandemic, and health issues, me being able to move out isn’t possible right now, so I’ve had to find ways to make this work to both of our advantages. I want to make it clear that while we may end up totally separated, I won’t file for divorce. Been there, done that. However, I can love him from afar, and live my life separately, allowing us both to have time to come together for family events and the like, in a much better, calmer, and perhaps kinder place. I long for that day.
He’s admitted to his alcoholism. He didn’t really have much of a choice once I confronted him with evidence of the lies he’s told and made it clear that I’ll no longer stand for them. I don’t know if he’ll ever stop drinking and honestly, at this point, I cannot say that I hope he will because I can’t allow myself to get tangled up in that emotional roller-coaster, barbed wire fence again. So, much like an alcoholic, I’m learning to take it one day at a time and to channel my energies into more positive activities rather than stay bogged down in the emotional and mental exhaustion of trying to change something that is completely out of my control. This. Is. Not. Easy.
As an empath and a Cancer, my go-to self-protection reaction is to want to control everything so I don’t feel pain but I’m learning that I can grow through the emotional and mental anguish and become a better, more grounded individual and that’s my goal for 2021 – or at least part of it.
So, aside from all of that, I’ve also come to this point in my work where I need to clean and reorganize my space.
It’s gotten totally out of hand as I work on the collection I’ll be releasing for Valentine’s day – Viking Heart (Sign up for the mailing list to get sneak peeks and a special discount code to pre-shop the collection launch). I’ve got bits and bobs and pieces of bits everywhere not to mention tools and supplies that are completely out fo order LOL. Who could work in this mess? I can’t.
I also can’t live in it since this is in my 135 foot living space. Yes, you read that right. I live in 135 square feet as in eating, sleeping, cooking, working, and entertain. So, getting it cleaned up and re-organized is high on my agenda.
I normally do this at the beginning of the new year but given that there’s been so much else going on, I’ve neglected it. Now, it’s nipping at my heels and my peace of mind to get it done.
So, I sat down last night and broke the chores down according to room (or area, if you will) and urgency and put the list in my bullet journal. Of course, I am having to break down the chores over two days’ time so I can physically accomplish them and still allow my body time to breathe and rest without breaking.
I also need to get the work-space done on the first day because I need to take photos and be able to put my portable light box away. It’s a huge fixture in this space right now, taking up a full 4 square feet. When you think about it, it makes my living space smaller, shrinking it to 131 square feet, and, other than having become a place for the man to dump his clothing and a blanket, it isn’t providing any useful space LOL.
So, once I get it all done, I’ll post some after photos and you will see that even when you’re in a tight and tiny space you can still have the feeling of volume that comes with larger spaces just by getting and keeping things clean and organized. Not to mention…
It will help me be better organized in the creation of the Viking Heart Collection – coming January 19th! I’m very excited about this one and I’ll be doing a blog post about it next week, but for now you’ll just have to look at this picture and wonder what on earth I’m up too.
Until then, lovely Lilies, I hope you have a wonderful rest-of-your week and I hope you’ll come back soon!